Hard in the Corner

You're gonna wanna read this This year's NHL Entry draft has a distinct lack of power. Either guy at the top of the draft is mostly projected as a second line player. Which hey, that's not bad. I can't even crack top 9 minutes in road hockey, so who am I to judge? ...a guy with a blog. I want to take a look at who at the top of the draft each lottery team might take, and what they really need to get their shit ass franchises back on track. First, a look at the consensus draft rankings courtesy of The Hockey Writers Ok, you saw that. Now let's take a look at the draft lottery odds courtesy Tankathon ...fuck Colorado sucks. Jesus, can we start a relegation system, like, get this shitwad team in to the ECHL. Let's just start from the top... Colorado Avalanche Luckily, what they needed most going in to this season was a new coach, and they got it. Pat Roy stormed out on his second team and cemented his legacy as the biggest baby in a...

At the time of this writing, the playoff race is still on. It's on hard! Well, it's sort of on. It's on in the Atlantic division. Ugh, the Atlantic division. That's like trying to figure out what company makes the best ranch dressing. It's all a nightmare. Anyways, I digress. I thought, while things are still in swing, I would take a peak at the NHL teams that were decent enough to be good all year in tough divisions and pick a favorite player. Get myself nice and invested for a good, LONG, post season. No matter who goes all the way, I'll have someone to root for. Ok, let's go! Washington Capitals Alex Ovechkin is by a large margin, the best player on this team currently, and likely of all-time. He is a huge, angry Russian goal scorer. He takes no prisoners and he loves Putin. All of these...charming qualities make him a fan fave in Washington, but he's the boring pick in my book. I'm going with Holtby. The Washington goalie is quickl...

USA Hockey has been treating their Women's team with very little respect. Now, with a boycott on the line, the Women's team has made their grievances known. And you know what...they've hit it on the nose. For the purpose of this article, there are two complaints being voiced from the Women's hockey team. They are both valid, one more than the other, but nonetheless valid. Let's look at them. 2014 Silver Medal USA Women's Olympic Team Women's Olympic hockey hasn't been around forever. The first time it took place was 1998 in Nagano, Japan. That was the first time the ladies got their chance. Now it's a foregone conclusion that Canada is better than 'the States' at hockey and always will be, but that is a distinction that is so much more discernible on the Men's side than the Women's. USA Women's hockey are fuckin' good. In the 5 Olympic games that they have attended, they have won...5 medals. Yeah, in every Olympics t...

Alright, so we are like 3 weeks away from the end of the season, and now that I've basically been able to see every game, what better time to hand out some premature meaningless awards! We will start from least least meaningful to most least meaningful, or maybe the other way around. In any case, it's a list and it's hockey. Vezina - Best Goaltender Devan Dubnyk, best goalie in the world. Winner: Devan Dubnyk (MIN) Runner up: Carey Price (MTL), Braden Holtby (WAS) Devan Dubnyk has got to be one of the best stories in the history of the league. He went from being laughed out of the NHL in Edmonton - kind of ironic, considering what a fucking joke that franchise was until McDavid came along - bounced to 3 teams, including the Hamilton Bulldogs in the AHL, to completely resurrecting his career with a Masterton trophy win in 2014-2015 when he started his reign as the NHL's best goalie. As for this season, look at the numbers, he is a fucking stud-cake. It is...

The Miracle on Ice, starring that guy from Friends For months now, the NHL and NHLPA have been using Olympic participation as a bargaining chip for the new CBA. Whether or not the players can go play on the World's grandest stage, whether or not the players will take a lousy deal, whether or not the league blah blah blah. Who cares? Since 1998 the NHL has been a major part of the Olympic games, and the best-on-best tournament has given Canada a major audience, and allowed the United States to look bad. Man, I like that. So it's stupid for the NHL to go to the Olympics, and it's stupid for you to care, here are 5 reasons why: 1. There's already too much hockey Ok, so I've outed myself as 'not a real fan,' that's cool bitch, I don't care. There is so much damn hockey, especially if you're a Canadian, already on TV that one more tournament is really not that exciting. It's the same complaint I have with the NHL's reincarnation ...

Hockey is so stupid. The Line-up Andrei Vasilevskiy (18% owned) 7 pts, 30 SV, 4 GA Cam Ward (20% owned) 16.50 pts, 1 W, 33 SV, 3 GA David Krejci (2% owned) 9 pts, 1 G, 1 PPP, 2 SOG Jonathan Toews (14% owned) 9 pts, 1 A, 5 SOG Ondrej Palat (14% owned) 1 pt, 1 A, -2 +/-, 1 SOG Jeff Skinner (8% owned) 18 pts, 2 G, +2 +/-, 2 SOG Artemi Panarin (8% owned) 3 pts, -1 +/-, 5 SOG Justin Falk (4% owned) 2 pts, -1 +/-, 4 SOG Duncan Keith (8% owned) 8 pts, 1 A, 3 SOG, 1 BLK The Good Carolina did me good for some points, Cam Ward did that weird thing that Cam Ward does. This guy is one of the worst goaltenders in the NHL and yet somehow I take him for huge fantasy points more than once. #IbelieveinCamWard. Jeff Skinner also played lights out, after a worrying first period with no shots. 2 snipes, I'll take it. Good boy Jeff. Also, I can spell Vasilevskiy without looking, so good boy me. The Bad This is easy. Hockey. God damn it hockey you are so bad. In...

I hate everything about the Toronto Maple Leafs, I hate their stupid always hurt players, I hate their idiotic media and I hate, I mean really really hate their dumb dumb dumb fans. Oh my god, do I ever hate their fans. For the record: I love Leo Komarov A little over 2 years ago, the Leafs fired their idiot 'winner' coach Randy Carlyle and let Pete Horachek warm the bench for Mike Babcock, and every stupid Leafs fan in Canada let out a collective 'sigh of relief.' That sigh was for mediocrity, or hopefully, something even worse. The Leafs brass promised the team would be dog shit for the next 3-5 years, so they could build a sustainable and prosperous future. God. Damn. It. You see, I'm a Leafs fan. A patient, realistic Leafs fan. One of many....I thought. There's a big middle part of this story where the Leafs were unreasonably bad, drafted Mitch 'good Canadian boy' Marner and Auston 'the next, next, next one' Matthews, but you kind of kno...

March 20th saw my 3rd attempt at daily fantasy hockey, and shit am I gettin' good. My first go, I entered a free league - because I knew I would be really bad - and placed 43/50. That is so bad. I picked my favorite players, and found out my favorite players suck at hockey. Bummer. Anyways, the next day I thought about my line-up and ranked 7/50. Much improvement. Just because my favorite players suck at hockey, doesn't mean I have to. So there I went, my 3rd go, and now I can't stop talking about it. This blog is an excuse for me to play with photoshop and complain about hockey! Let's go! My line-up Pekka Rinne (58% Owned) 16.50 pts, 1 W, 25 SV, 1 GA Cam Talbot (26% Owned) 27.50 pts, 1 W, 35 SV, 1 SHO Jack Eichel (12% Owned) 8 pts, 1 G, -1 +/-, 1 PPP, 3 SOG Mitch Marner (18% Owned) 7 pts, 1 A, -1 +/-, 5 SOG Viktor Arvidsson (28% Owned) 12 pts, 1 G, +1 +/-, 4 SOG Patrick Marleau (20% Owned) 5 pts, 5 SOG Milan Lucic (16% Owned) 14 pts, 1 G, 1 PPP, 5 SOG...