Some Obvious NHL Team Make-Overs

-
The NHL has announced Adidas will be taking over jerseys for the 2017-2018 season. That means a few things for the league...

First off, there will be no alternate jerseys for the first season. I get that, new jerseys mean some potential redesigns and they don't want the consumer to have too many new jerseys to choose from. There will be plenty of time for that in the following years.

But this also means that some NHL teams have an opportunity to mulligan what they've currently got going on. New color, new stripe, new logo, heck, why not a new name. So here is a look ahead at some 2017-2018 NHL teams.....rebranded.

1. Chicago Stanley Cup Champions

This is basically just done out of pure laziness. Why bother having to say the Chicago Blackhawks, Stanley Cup Champions. Just cut the shit and get down to business, I don't have all day. 



2. Las Vegas Golden Showers

This is so stupid. What are you doing putting another hockey team in the desert? Did Phoenix Arizona work out that well? Also, you don't get to change the name of the city you're located it. It's Las Vegas, not Vegas. You don't drop the 'Las' for the locals, even though they just call it Vegas. Everyone just calls it Vegas. Stupid. 


3. Boston Old 'n Slows

They are old. They are slow. Shit, if Chara regresses anymore they're gonna turn the creature into glue. This is a team that needs to really look at what they've got and make some changes that matter. Here's a werthers original for your trouble. And cursive, because nobody writes in cursive anymore...


4. Florida Disasters

What can you say about this shit show. Maybe that it's a shit show? This team moved a legitimate General Manager onto the front office equivalent of Lamoriello Island, had the misfortune of their head coach taking a taxi home after getting shit canned on the road, had a new coach lead the team to shit tier status, who they then fired, and then reinstated their General Manager and holy fuck boys get it together. 

Here's a little camo for mista Vinny Viola. Hope it hides some of your future shit decisions. 



5. Atlanta Thrashers

Clearly it isn't working in Winnipeg. Also, I fucking hate Winnipeg, it is the armpit of Canada, and the people from Winnipeg think they're important. Go eat a bag. 

Bonus point: They've already got jerseys with the right names on them. Way to manage Cheveldayoff.


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Small Market Stars: Who's Left in the 2018 Playoffs

-
Image
you can follow me on twitter HERE Carey Price of Anahim Lake, BC (pop. 1,500) taunts Peter Budaj, of Banska Bystrica (pop. 76,641) over his big city roots There are a LOT of small market teams left in the NHL playoffs. It's not 100%, but there is no doubt that this year's second round is dominated by the little guy that could. Though in this league, that translates to fickle ownership groups that have used their brains in hiring competent hockey personnel. Anyways, I thought it would be interesting to go through and find out who the teams small market stars are! That is, a player on a small market team (though I'll do a player from each, so Pittsburgh fans don't chew my ass) that performs at a high level, and is from literal butt-fuck nowhere. Maybe somewhere in Saskatchewan. Let's go. 1. Tampa Bay Lightning - avg attendance: 19,092 Well, if anything is certain, it's that the NHL has a reaaaaal loose handle on what it allows to be recorded as att...
Read more

What did Jim Rutherford ever do?

-
Image
"This blog can fuck itself, for all I care" - Jim Rutherford This time I'm flying blind. I admittedly don't know much about the Penguins. I don't think I do, I won't pretend I do. I know very little about Penguins' GM Jim Rutherford. So, I just assume he stinks - because all GM's stink, to some degree. So, I am going to take a year-by-year look back over Jim Rutherford's entire NHL General Manager career. Rutherford started his hockey career as a goalie in the Red Wings organization. After his retirement as a player, he joined the Whalers, from Hartford, as a General Manager. This guy has 3 Stanley Cups, and I'm about to be completely unfair about the little depth deals he has made over the course of his career. This is the 3rd in a multi-part series "What did _____ ever do?" where I rank the performance of NHL GM's. We take into consideration how the GM chose to handle the NHL Entry draft and any transactions made over t...
Read more

The Curious Case of Cam Ward: An Attempt to Quantify "Luck" in Goaltending

-
Image
As a WHL guy, a Canadian and a sucker for the underdog, I'm a big fan of Cam Ward. I think he is (at least was) a good goalie, with some very bad luck. So, I am going to go back and watch a bunch of goals from his most recent seasons and skew the data to agree with my hot take. I will also take a look at Carey Price's current season as I think he is the closest there is to the consensus #1 goalie in the world. The perfect juxtaposition for Cam Ward. I've also included Corey Crawford (2017-2018) for those that take issue with Carey Price's inclusion in this report. My goal was originally to look at his best statistical season (2010-11) and his worst statistical seasons (2005-06, 2006-07), however due to the availability of game footage, that won't be possible at this time.  The determining factors in looking at these goals are: Deflection by teammate ( DxT ), Deflection by opponent ( DxO ), Own Goal by Teammate ( OGxT ), Breakaway/Defensive Failure ( DEF )...
Read more